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An unprecedented spiritual expression
"As your nature reveals itself to you, you then become the authority with the ability to express that in your own way. You may feel the need to express your nature in ways that not only surprise you but in ways that have no precedence." Biography of author Todd Vickers
January 1968 : Todd was born in Portland Oregon; youngest son of Beverly and Eston Vickers. Age 3: He experienced his first true material consequence of rebellion. Warned not to play with matches, he stole a book of matches and while playing with them behind a closet door he set the house on fire. When the fire was out of control, he closed the door and left the house. He returned to discover fire trucks at his house and some angry parents and firemen. No one was hurt but the firemen sat him down and explained to him how he could have killed everyone in the house. Age 7: Todd's first energetic spiritual experience; He remembers walking toward his home in Oregon with his parents and brother after a day at the beach. Todd said "I was knocked down by a surge of energy shooting up through my whole body, I screamed because I didn't know what was happening. It was almost like being electrocuted except there was no external source of power. Nobody knew what was wrong with me and I didn't either, it was terrifying. This was the kundalini/ shakti touching me consciously for the first time." Around this time was the first time Todd got high with one of his older brothers. Age 9: A significant year in his life. His beloved older sister Evelyn was killed in a car accident. Evelyn was the member of the family to whom Todd felt the closest. He hated the Priest who said, "it was an Act of God that had taken Evelyn" Unfortunately his last words to his sister were words of anger. She had told their parents that he had been smoking. Todd had become very angry and told his sister he never wanted to see her again. As it turned out, he never did. She was killed while away from home, before she and Todd could ever speak again. At this time Todd also found some children his age who were smoking dope, and he joined them, He now had a drug connection other than his older brother. Age 9 until age11: Todd simply was a kid who liked adventure and lying, He began delivering papers at age ten. He comments, "I have always earned my own money because my parents didn't believe in giving allowance money to children. I did poorly in school and always felt that the school system was worthless to me so I got by with a minimum of effort. I was only interested in drugs, sex and rock and roll."
Age 15: Todd was institutionalized for the first time for drug use. Again he reports, "I didn't stay clean after this treatment center and eventually left my family sold everything I had of value and went on a pathetic drunk." Age 16: He went to a second institution for treatment of drug addiction and was released after two and a half months. He hasn't used drugs or alcohol since. It was at this time that He began to sincerely investigate spiritual teachings to help himself to find a way to live. He found himself faced with an insatiable spiritual hunger. He also became very wild sexually and began to experiment with different kinds of sexual expression. Age 17: Todd met Sharon who would become his lover years later and her husband Roy, These two were the first people to introduce Todd to meditation and esoteric spirituality. He began experiencing many altered states in consciousness and experiencing strange and wonderful energetic and psychic phenomena. He looked at these experiences as a natural high and he was driven to experience more to satisfy his spiritual discontent. Todd realized that al his drug use was an attempt to satisfy his spiritual hunger.
Age 18:
Now that he was not using alcohol or drugs to alter his moods he was constantly angry regardless or the meditation and spiritual practice. In fact he says the energetic phenomena released through meditation seemed to make his emotions more intense and the anger was getting worse. At this time, after terrifying one of his roommates with an outburst of Rage, Todd decided to go into cathartic therapy. The therapy was a big turning point in his life. He explains,
Age 19: He entered a very passionate and fiery relationship with a woman that that lasted for about two years. He shares. "I experienced my own capacity for obsession to a degree that I had never previously known and I was shaken to emotional depths that I had never imagined."
Age 22:
Osho Rajneesh dies before Todd is able to get to India to sit with him. Says Todd,
"At the time of his death I was filled with energy and I even thought I was going crazy. I didn't know what was going on. I even called my beloved Sharon who was living in California at the time and spoke that I thought I was going crazy and said that I didn't think I would see Osho before he died, I had no idea that Osho was dying at the same time. I remember hearing about his "leaving the body" the next day and I understood the energy that was flowing through me the evening before, it was a little touch of Osho. I was shaken very deeply by Osho's death."
Age 23: At this time he became an A student for the first time in his life at a local community college and also worked three jobs at this time, earning more money than he ever had previously. He was again without a lover for another period of two years.
Age 24:
He traveled to India and participated in some very intense tantric work that helped him to clarify his sexual expression. He experienced for the first time having more than one lover at one time.
Age 25: He returned from India the same yet utterly different. Sharon and he became lovers (she had separated from Roy her husband of twenty-seven years then entered into a sexual union with Todd) She and Todd went to satsang with Gangaji (an awakened disciple of Papaji) and Gangaji helped to clarify for Todd what had happened with Papaji. Todd was aware of his identity as consciousness, the source of all Being.
Age 27:
He became interested in a spiritual sanga (group) that professed to be a group of spiritually awakened and awakening people who were trying to live in mutual support and love. Todd said, "I must give some credit where credit is due to this group because I did learn some things that were of value to me. Unfortunately, I also found this group to be very limiting and even harmful to many people. There was a lot of spiritual wishful thinking and plenty of spiritual ideas going on, but this group eventually proved itself to be a group of people wandering in the world of spiritual make believe, essentially a new age circle jerk for esoteric narcissism."
Age 31: He self publishes the book The Paradox of Self-Realization , and continues to run his landscaping business. He lives with Sharon openly, and has other lovers at this time. He offers public darshan, meditation and discussion in Santa Cruz California. Age 32: Todd and Sharon move to San Diego county and he completes a second book titled Truth Like Fire .
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